{"title":"The Formal Archive","description":"\u003cblockquote data-path-to-node=\"9,1,1\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"9,1,1,0\"\u003e\u003cb data-path-to-node=\"9,1,1,0\" data-index-in-node=\"0\"\u003eDignity is a choice. Usually a loud one.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e\n\u003cblockquote data-path-to-node=\"10\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,0\"\u003eWelcome to \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0\" data-index-in-node=\"11\"\u003eThe Formal Archive\u003c\/b\u003e, the cornerstone department of \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0\" data-index-in-node=\"61\"\u003eSkewed \u0026amp; Snappy\u003c\/b\u003e. Here, we curate naturalistic, Victorian-style woodcut engravings for the sophisticated observer. This collection features our dapper protagonist, \u003cb data-path-to-node=\"10,0\" data-index-in-node=\"224\"\u003eCyril the Penguin\u003c\/b\u003e, utilizing formal attire to defy the crushing mediocrity of existence.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-path-to-node=\"10,1\"\u003eIf you believe that elegance should be absolute, even when wearing a wetsuit, you are in the right place.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/blockquote\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"t-shirt-i-m-not-a-horse-i-m-just-a-donkey-with-better-pr-vintage-donkey-graphic","title":"[MSI]  “I’m Not a Horse, I’m Just a Donkey With Better PR” Vintage Donkey Graphic","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eThe Ethos\u003c\/strong\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA naturalistic study in the art of the \"Institutional Lie.\" This garment features Humphrey the Donkey standing beside an ornate Victorian billboard depicting his more \"majestic\" (and entirely fictional) horse-self. It is a sartorial reminder that in this world, identity is rarely a matter of fact, and almost entirely a matter of public relations.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eIdeally suited for gallery strolls, skeptical observations, or sitting in the back of meetings that—as we both know—should have been emails.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eGarment Standards\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eTo satisfy Humphrey’s obsession with quality and Cyril’s demand for structure, this tee is constructed to the following specifications:\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Fabric:\u003c\/strong\u003e 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton. Lightweight (4.2 oz\/yd²) for breathability during moments of polite fury.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Architecture:\u003c\/strong\u003e Side-seamed construction for a tailored silhouette that holds its shape, unlike most modern arguments.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Details:\u003c\/strong\u003e Ribbed knit collar and shoulder taping for structural integrity. Features a tear-away label, because skin irritation is the only thing we aren't disgruntled about.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Origin:\u003c\/strong\u003e Printed using high-fidelity DTG methods to preserve the intricate Victorian woodcut lines.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eMainenance (For Longevity)\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eWash:\u003c\/strong\u003e Cold (30°C). Turn inside out to protect the engraving.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDry:\u003c\/strong\u003e Tumble dry on low heat (or air-dry for maximum gloom).\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eIron:\u003c\/strong\u003e Medium heat; avoid direct contact with the \"PR\" billboard.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eDo Not:\u003c\/strong\u003e Dry clean. Humphrey finds the chemicals unnecessary.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEU representative\u003c\/strong\u003e: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Bella+Canvas 3001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999\/44\/EC\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard\u003c\/strong\u003e: For adults, Blank product sourced from Honduras\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Non-chlorine: bleach as needed, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: medium heat, Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"S \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324361748806,"sku":"11282505827057136930","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"S \/ White","offer_id":56324361781574,"sku":"38264543366537368938","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324361814342,"sku":"22644720177574857946","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Natural","offer_id":56324361847110,"sku":"25404499997505186455","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":56324361879878,"sku":"29661702258683847566","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324361912646,"sku":"27683007799389351704","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Natural","offer_id":56324361945414,"sku":"31834946155618575123","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":56324361978182,"sku":"18140935366400113867","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324362010950,"sku":"26418597330754665629","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Natural","offer_id":56324362043718,"sku":"27191368838131989233","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":56324362076486,"sku":"10209239674180531977","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324362109254,"sku":"20955664690806320624","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ Natural","offer_id":56324362142022,"sku":"15147317586089577872","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"2XL \/ White","offer_id":56324362174790,"sku":"32910911262353650308","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":56324362207558,"sku":"31626314199963627064","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"3XL \/ White","offer_id":56324362240326,"sku":"10089087276343448197","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0996\/0239\/9558\/files\/4339773403022491635_2048.jpg?v=1775577552"},{"product_id":"cyril-the-penguin-formal-wetsuit-woodcut-tee-skewed-snappy","title":"[MSI] Cyril the Penguin \"Formal Wetsuit\" Woodcut Tee - Skewed \u0026 Snappy","description":"\u003cp\u003eDispatched for those who understand that 'penguin' is simply another word for 'exceptionally formal.' This artifact from the Skewed \u0026amp; Snappy collection features a high-fidelity woodcut engraving of Cyril in his naturalistic dignity. Printed on the retail-ready Bella+Canvas 3001 for maximum comfort during moments of sophisticated indifference. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eThe fabric feels smooth against the skin and holds its shape thanks to side seams, ribbed collar, and shoulder tape. The tear-away label keeps things comfortable. Subtle heather and ash color options add soft visual texture while the retail crew neckline makes the shirt easy to dress up or down. Ethically produced and REACH certified, this tee suits someone who cares as much about comfort and values as they do about a clever, conversation-starting design.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- 100% Airlume combed ring-spun cotton for a soft, breathable feel\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Side seams, ribbed knit collar, and shoulder tape for improved fit and durability\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Tear-away label to minimize skin irritation\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Available blends in heather\/ash colors; lightweight 4.2 oz fabric\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Prints produced with crisp DTF (or vibrant DTG depending on provider) techniques\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Tumble dry: low heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Iron, steam or dry: medium heat\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Do not dryclean\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"Gold \/ S","offer_id":56327439679814,"sku":"13083132322986788150","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Mint \/ S","offer_id":56327439712582,"sku":"31112063088987746603","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Natural \/ S","offer_id":56327439745350,"sku":"23501155807566649741","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"White \/ S","offer_id":56327439778118,"sku":"51697517352686826136","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ash \/ S","offer_id":56327439810886,"sku":"13236865299250719250","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Heather Peach \/ S","offer_id":56327439843654,"sku":"83863711596638996677","price":28.0,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"Charity Pink \/ 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This mug from the Skewed \u0026amp; Snappy archive provides that immutable truth for your daily consumption of Earl Grey. Featuring a meticulously detailed, high-contrast Victorian engraving of Cyril, it is the canonical home of sophisticated discontent. Made from quality white ceramic and available in 11oz (standard issue) or 15oz (for heavier grievances), it ensures your wetsuit is recognized from across the room. \u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eProduct features\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Microwave-safe for easy reheating\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Dishwasher-safe for low-maintenance care\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Vibrant, long-lasting color printing\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Durable glossy white ceramic with comfortable C-handle\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Available in 11oz and 15oz; lead and BPA-free\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e- Clean in dishwasher or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eEU representative\u003c\/strong\u003e: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct information\u003c\/strong\u003e: Generic brand, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999\/44\/EC\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e: Clean in dishwasher or wash by hand with warm water and dish soap\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"11oz","offer_id":56328145076550,"sku":"71172419379071427819","price":16.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true},{"title":"15oz","offer_id":56347679359302,"sku":"31981466462163757555","price":19.95,"currency_code":"GBP","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0996\/0239\/9558\/files\/13561949538762722157_2048.jpg?v=1775807373"},{"product_id":"funny-penguin-woodcut-hoodie-im-not-a-penguin-sarcastic-dapper-animal-sweatshirt","title":"[MSI] \"I’m Not a Penguin\" Funny Penguin Woodcut Hoodie, Sarcastic Dapper Animal Sweatshirt","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\"Heavyweight comfort for high-fidelity indignation.\"\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRequisitioned from the \u003cstrong\u003eFormal Wear\u003c\/strong\u003e collection, this artifact is issued to those who understand that being a penguin is an intentional, dapper choice. Featuring the naturalistic woodcut engraving of Cyril—the Ministry’s primary wetsuit consultant—this hoodie is the definitive statement in elegant deception.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003ePrinted on the \u003cstrong\u003eLane Seven LS14001\u003c\/strong\u003e, a three-panel fleece vessel of exceptional weight and softness. It is designed to withstand both the Antarctic chill and the cold indifference of a long Monday morning.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Design:\u003c\/strong\u003e High-contrast Victorian engraving with a signature \u003cstrong\u003eOxblood Red\u003c\/strong\u003e bowtie.\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eThe Build:\u003c\/strong\u003e 8.25 oz (280 gsm) premium fleece. 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